A Look Back At 2017

So it's been a hot minute since I last posted! And I know I'm a whole month into 2018 but I decided to do a 'look back on 2017' post. I already posted my Best of 2017 video on my YouTube channel, but I thought I'd talk more about my 2017 experience on here. So you might wanna grab a snack, because this post is gonna be a long one.

2017 was a rollercoaster. Much like every year. This was the year I started university, fell in love, fell out of love, travelled, started this blog, started my YouTube channel, got a job and much more!

Let's start off with the 'biggest' thing. I started my first year of university in 2017. I remember freaking out about oral presentations, making new friends, finding my classes and being somewhat independent. I went through phases where I wanted to drop out and questioned if the course I was doing was really right for me. I'm glad that I didn't let the fear of change get the best of me - because I met some really awesome people & grew more confident. Also gained a better sense of fashion since I didn't have a uniform to wear. And now I know to never wear cropped jeans, a singlet and mint green runners together unless I'm planning to look like Lizzie McGuire.

Like I mentioned before, I met a lot of awesome people at uni. But I also got really close to a friend from high school who I wasn't super close with. I guess uni brought us together and now we're best friends and I'm so thankful for that. I also got even closer to my best friend Jaymee in 2017 thanks to uni and trying to sync up our timetables together. And then our squad basically formed. Even though we roast each other in group chats & ruin each other's diets, I don't think I would've survived 2017 without them.

I also went to my first footy game in 2017 with the squad! I remember not having any merch so I just rocked up wearing a grey jumper with a tiger on it to support Richmond hahaha. And then that night I learned that I probably shouldn't have worn it because it was pouring down with rain and I was drenched. And now I never leave home without an umbrella. It was such a good night nonetheless AND WE WON!!

In mid June I travelled to Malaysia and Sri Lanka! And this was basically where my YouTube life started. Cas kept pushing me to vlog and start a channel & eventually I gave in. The plan was to make a travel vlog, but I never expected to actually continue creating content. But here we are 6 months later posting videos every Sunday evening for 187 subscribers.

ANYWAYS, back to travelling - I was so excited because this was when I started my blue theme so I was ready to slay the Insta game. We stayed in Malaysia for three days & it was the best three days of my life. We stayed at one of the best hotels, saw all the main attractions, took some amazing pictures and just had a good time. I had a lot of fun vlogging every bit of it (even though I got some weird looks but ya gotta do what ya gotta do). So shoutout to Cas for forcing me to do this. I probably wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for you and now it's your turn to start your channel.

After Malaysia, we travelled to Sri Lanka and stayed with my grandparents for ten days. It was so emotional seeing my family again after not seeing them for three years. It was also the first time in three years since I saw this guy I always had feelings for. Going back made all the feelings come back - not only for myself, but for him as well. Nothing ever really happened between us 'cause it was pointless. Long distance relationships are hard and trust is easily broken in the 21st century. But something was different this year. Maybe it was because we were older, wiser, stronger... whatever the reason, we decided to try long distance. My ten days in Sri Lanka was spent talking to him & being so in love. I went on a holiday to relax and I come back with a boyfriend. 'Cause that's totally normal LMAO. It was so hard telling my friends because I was scared of how they'd react - I knew they would be iffy about the whole situation & I knew that I wouldn't listen to anything negative they had to say about us because of my stubborn nature. And maybe I should've listened to them. But that's a lesson I learnt in 2017 - you don't hold the answers to everything, and it's good to take in other people's opinions and advice from time to time. Back to the whole long distance thing - it was extremely hard & we didn't tell our families about us till 3 months into dating. But I'll go into that a little later... anyways, this vacation was going amazing. I was finally with the guy I've been 'in love with' for like 5 years, I was with my family & I felt more in touch with my culture than ever before. So it was extremely hard saying goodbye. The whole plane ride I couldn't stop crying, I just wanted to be with him. And not knowing when I'd see him next made my heart ache. I know this 'look back on 2017' should be all happy and exciting. But the truth is, life isn't always sunshine - you need a little rain every once in a while to cleanse yourself. I'm not going to sit here and write a happy go lucky post on how 2017 was amazing and leave out all the sad details, because I wouldn't be telling the whole truth about what really happened in 2017.

Now onto something happier since that was a bit intense. Here comes the part about my YouTube channel. After I came home from Sri Lanka, I was going all out trying to edit my travel vlog and creating a YouTube banner and an end slate. I was so excited to begin this new chapter of my life. I found YouTube to be a great place where I can let my creativity run free & it just got my mind off the sadness of missing my boyfriend & how messy my life was. On YouTube, I could be myself & forget about real life for a little bit. After I posted my travel vlog I was overwhelmed with all the kind comments from people all around the world. I loved the feelings I felt whilst editing, filming, gaining subscribers and making new YouTube friends. I can't quite describe how I felt. It's like when you hit the shuffle button on your music and you get the song you've been wanting to listen to. It's like when you get 7 chicken nuggets instead of 6 at McDonald's. It was one of those feelings. And I loved it.

I also finally landed a job in 2017. After months and months searching for a job, I finally got one as a checkout chick at a fruit shop. The job isn't that luxurious but it was enough for me to get some money to pay for uni fees & travel. Especially since I was saving up to see my boyfriend. I've been working there for six months now and the place has really grown on me. And I'm probably one of the few people that actually like working in customer service.

I turned 19 this year and had my first clubbing experience. It was so much fun! Apart from throwing up 14 times the next day, it was such a good night. I vlogged my whole 19th birthday so i won't talk too much about it. But on my actual birthday I went to uni (such a drainer!) and then went to Shelby's, completely unaware that my mum planned a surprise party for me with my friends. I was so shocked. And now realising that I'm going to be 20 in 2018 is low key freaking me out because I'm not capable of being an adult.

In September 2017 I attended VidCon with Shelby. i was so freaking excited! I was meeting Shaaanxo, HeyImBee and Rackaracka. And basically my dreams were coming true. I really wanted to meet Jenn as well but unfortunately didn't get to so I'm hoping she comes again in 2018 so I can meet her! In all honesty, I didn't have the best experience at VidCon. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun, but I went in having high expectations and walked out disappointed. So this taught me not to have such high standards because that's an easy to get disappointed. I'm hoping in 2018, I can be a bit more grateful for what I have and appreciate the little things. I'm going to VidCon again in 2018, so I hope I have a better experience this time around.

Back to my long distance relationship. I said that we held off from telling our families about us. Well we ended up telling them after VidCon, and things got messy. The bottomline was that it caused a lot of problems. Long distance was already hard enough and this extra burden was too much to handle. I was still at the stage where I was finding myself. In this relationship I wasn't really thinking about the future with him, I focused more on the present. But then I had to really ask myself if this could work and if this was really what I wanted. In the end, I made the decision to break up. Although it was painful at the start, I felt a sense of freedom after leaving the relationship. This wasn't to say that the relationship was terrible, it was just because I knew I had to stand on my own two feet and focus on myself for a while. i feel more empowered now more than ever, I realise that I don't need a man to be happy or strong. I don't need anyone for that. It's the right attitude and mindset that makes the difference. That's what I want people to understand, you don't need to be a damsel in distress trying to search for your knight in shining armour. You don't need someone to rescue you from the tower. And you certainly don't need someone to make you feel happy. You can do all those things yourself. You need to put yourself first and be your own best friend. Maybe that's why I don't get along with most girls because some just spend majority of their time trying to get a guy's attention and basically need a guy to survive. Life's way more than that.

I believe that the people you hang out with really influence you as a person. I'm lucky enough to have real friends that care about me. Which in turn makes me a better person. But when you hang out with the wrong crowd, this can influence you to be more like them. I think it's important to choose the right friend group. You shouldn't be friends with people who make you feel uncomfortable and peer pressure you into doing things. If you genuinely don't wanna be friends with someone, I don't think you should. Life's too short to be friends with someone you don't like. And you may think 'I have no one else' so you continue to stick with the wrong group but that's not a good decision. If it was me, I'd rather have no friends than fake friends. And the minute you leave a toxic friendship, you'll feel so much better and you're one step closer to getting some real friends.

On November 3rd, I hit 100 subscribers! I know this isn't much compared to every other YouTuber out there but it was a big deal for me. I was so excited that my channel was growing. And when you think about it, 100 people watching your videos is really cool. That's like having 100 friends that are supporting you. This really made me more motivated to upload consistently.

Another amazing thing that happened in November was that I got chosen to be an Instagram model for Supre! Supre is one of my favourite clothing stores & the fact I get given new clothes every month to post on Instagram is amazing!! This is basically a dream come true. And sometime in December they actually reposted one of my photos on their Instagram and website! Which was so cool & I remember I got so excited when I saw the notification at work and I was so happy. My friends Jasmine and Shelby were my biggest supporters when this happened & shared the same excitement as me.

On December 3rd I saw Shawn Mendes with Jaymee! I vlogged the concert and was so proud of how I edited it. The concert itself was amazing! He sounded so good live! But the merch line was ridiculously long! We stood there for like 30 mins to buy a t-shirt and ended up missing the opening act. But it was worth it 'cause I wear that t-shirt everyday. I still have PCD watching the vlog & I just want him to release a new album ASAP and go on tour again. Also, Shawn was the only person I saw in concert in 2017 because I was broke AF.

Mid December, my uncle from Sri Lanka aka my best friend came to Melbourne for two weeks. To say I was excited would be an understatement. The amount of times I tried to get out of work to spend time with him was crazy. It was so great having him around because he's one of the only family members who understands me & I could tell him anything and everything. He's always acted more like a best friend than an uncle & that's what I love about him. I wish that we had more time together on his visit and writing this is making me miss him greatly. We spent late nights watching Freakish and just catching up. We spent New Year's Eve in the city together. I was glad that I got to start 2018 with him. This gave me the sense that 2018 was going to be my year. I'm ready for whatever 2018 is gonna throw at me.

That was my 2017. No filter. No lies. Just the truth. I'm not here to say 2017 was the best year of my life like everyone else, because I know it wasn't. 2017 wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst. 2017 made me feel vulnerable, but it also made me stronger and wiser. And I wouldn't change a single thing about it; because all the laughter, tears, pain, happiness & chaos in 2017 has shaped me into a new version of me. And this version is ready to SLAY 2018.